Dealing with Problem Players in D&D
Imagine: you’re putting together your first D&D game. You have everything ready – you know the rules (well, at least enough to get started), you’ve got players, you have a time scheduled when you can all gather up, and the session zero has been conducted. Now all that’s left is to play the game. But, as you move into regular sessions, you notice one of your players is not exactly being a good sport. They’re fighting with other players, they’re arguing with you about the rules, they’re trying to kill any NPC they run into and they’re asking to steal from other players’ characters. Overall, they’re making the game a lot less fun for you and, likely, everyone else in the group. This is what we call: a problem player.
Problem players come in a lot of different varieties, and what you consider a problem player is going to depend on how you play and/or run the game. However, the one thing everyone can agree on is that a problem player is someone who’s way of approaching the game makes it less fun for everyone else, or not fun at all. Note that I’m talking about players here, and not DMs, since they could honestly fill a whole other article.
Issues with players are one of the most popular subjects to be brought up in forums, because oftentimes people don’t know how to handle it. Honestly – I don’t blame them. Even if you do have some experience with conflict resolution, because D&D is a game by nature, you might feel like you’re being overly strict or cantankerous for being firm with rules. At the same time, because of the natural intimacy that comes with D&D (i.e. you’re often emotionally vulnerable in a roleplay game, especially if you’re one to lean more into roleplay than combat), it’s very easy for one bad apple to ruin the game.
Note that a problem player isn’t always a bad person. Sometimes, people just aren’t great game partners, either because the way they enjoy the game clashes with yours, or they weren’t very interested in the game to begin with. These circumstances are ideal, because they usually lead to easier solutions. However, sometimes, playing a game as intricate and roleplay heavy as D&D can make a person’s mask slip, and you not only question playing with them, but your relationship with them. The latter, unfortunately, happens more often than I’d like to see: I’ve seen posts of people describing behavior that’s unacceptable in any circumstance, not just D&D.
For this article, I’m going to go over some common problem player archetypes. We’ll examine the problem, why it’s a problem, and how to best tackle it in constructive ways (note: the answer isn’t always the nuclear option.)
Keep in mind that, when it comes to humans, there’s no one-size-fits-all response, and you are going to know what works for you better than anyone else. That being said, some of these solutions may be helpful to you if you’re not someone experienced in conflict resolution. Identifying the problem, too, may help you see if your player falls into common traps.
I’ve ordered the solutions from gentlelest to most severe. You will find a variation of ‘talk to them’ and ‘kick them’ in all of these solutions, but I will be elaborating on why and when this is often necessary. Note that ‘talking to them’ will always come before kicking them, except in the most extreme circumstances.
“The Main Character”
The Problem: We’ll start with a common one here. Also known as a person with ‘main character syndrome’, this problem player tends to do everything in their power to center the attention on themselves and their character. They often forgo the collaborative aspect of the game in favor of stealing spotlight from other players, making decisions that center their character, interrupting, being visibly bored while others are roleplaying, and/or pushing the party into ‘sidekick’ positions to support their character. This player may get irate when the attention isn’t on them.
Why it’s a Problem: D&D, at its core, is a collaborative game where you work alongside your party to complete quests. The spirit of the game lies in that camaraderie, and when it’s ignored for the sake of a single character’s spotlight, it prevents all the players from feeling like they’re awesome heroes in a story of myth and magic. This can also be a hassle as the DM, because you may be unable to craft story beats that highlight other players without complaint, or have to frequently wrestle the attention back to others. Main Characters also tend to (but not always) lean into viewing the DM as an adversary to be outwitted, instead of an unbiased mediator.
Solutions: The Main Character, in the best of circumstances, is someone who is simply really psyched to play and constantly has a lot of good ideas or is really into their character. This syndrome doesn’t always come from a place of malicious intent, so much as an overwhelming passion for the game. The worst of circumstances is this is a player who is incapable of collaborating with others in a constructive way – something that may be more clear if they tend to resent the other players for not adhering to their play style. Here’s some solutions you can try with this type:
Redirect their energy. Sometimes, Main Characters don’t realize how disruptive they are. As a solution that doesn’t require pulling them aside, try to encourage them to channel that passion into pushing the other players up, instead of dragging them beneath them. Encourage them to roleplay with the other players and invest in their stories, collaborate with them in combat while still showing off their own sick moves, and semi-centering themselves in the narrative by simply allowing themselves to be part of the stories of others. If you frame it like them getting more opportunities to roleplay, this may nudge them into the vein of being a team player. Naturally, don’t allow them to stomp all over the other players’ stories, but encourage them to be interested in them.
Gentle coaxing. Implied in the description, something you can try as early as you can is using your DM powers to gently shift scenes away from the Main Character when they’re starting to overtake. This can mean finding a natural pause and saying: “I’ll get back to you in a second. Player 2, what are you doing?” This may require some firmness, maybe even the occasional cut off (without being rude) to subtly drive in the idea that the Main Character is overtaking. Sometimes, this is enough, and you can squash the behavior before it gets too bad.
Talk to them. If the other two solutions are not effective, that’s when you should pull them aside and explain why the behavior is disruptive, and why it takes away from other players. This may be the wake up call they need, and you could double back to the ‘redirecting energy’ conversation if they’re receptive to the talk.
Remove them from the game. If none of these solutions work, and especially if they continue to be disruptive to the game, then that is grounds to remove them. A player who is unwilling to collaborate with their fellow players is not one worth keeping in the game.
“The Rules Lawyer”
The Problem: Another classic in the TTRPG world. This player may be a DM themselves, or someone who is very studious with the rules. They may drag the game to a halt to argue about a ruling the DM made, and insist on having a full debate about it. They may argue with other players, even, about what they can and can’t do. They may dislike any plot points and story points that don’t follow the written rules.
Why it’s a Problem: A rules lawyer is one of those problem players that becomes an issue a lot of the time instead of starting as one. Sometimes, having a rules lawyer around isn’t a bad thing, because they may remember rules the DM doesn’t and can make a compelling argument for rulings that aren’t as explicit. However, they can often be overbearing, argumentative, and disruptive, preventing the game from being played to instead argue for far longer than necessary about a decision, despite the DM ultimately having the final say. Ironically, despite their strong tendency to make these arguments, these players are often against DMing themselves, and sometimes are only arguing because it affects their character. They can also undermine the authority of the DM and create confusion unintentionally (note: rules lawyers, despite their gusto, can definitely be wrong about the rules.)
Solutions: Remember that someone being really knowledgeable about the rules and piping up now and again with an assist doesn’t make them a Rules Lawyer. What you want to focus on is the level of disruption it causes, how often it happens, and their attitude when it does come up. If they are arguing every other ruling, insisting on debating, and/or clearly demonstrating frustration with you or other players, then you can move to more concrete solutions.
Session Zero. This tendency can potentially be quashed early with a Session Zero. If you’re not sure what that is, check out my article on how to run one. Basically, it’s a preemptive session before the game begins to roll stats and go over how the game will be run. It’s very important, if you plan on utilizing a lot of homebrew or being flexible with the written rules, that you make that clear ahead of time. That can give Rules Lawyers the chance to duck out if they’re going to be irritated with that style of gameplay, and can give you the ammo of ‘we discussed this in session zero’ if they start arguing.
Brush up on the rules. Again, sometimes Rules Lawyers can be helpful, but not when every other turn is a lecture about what page 200 of the Player’s Handbook says, especially when Rules Lawyers are not always correct. Having a good handle on the rules yourself before DMing, if you can manage it, can reduce the debate time with them in half by just having a firm handle yourself. You may not even give them an opportunity to argue. This is really helpful for the ones that try to use ‘word salad’ and throw out a bunch of rules to argue for a certain ruling despite it not making much sense.
Be consistent. If you are inconsistent with how you make rulings on certain actions in the game, this gives Rules Lawyers fuel to argue. Remember to not change your rulings between similar situations unless there is enough deviation to warrant it. For example, if you rule that lightning damage is doubled underwater, then later on do not adhere to that rule for an enemy, then that creates conflict that Rules Lawyers. Maintaining consistency can keep them at bay.
Do not let a debate last. It’s not always a bad thing, especially for rulings that don’t have clean-cut rules in the PHB, to humor some arguments, as long as it remains civil. If you make a ruling, and a player contests it, hear out one argument and check the book yourself. After all, as a DM, you can forget rules and it’s not a bad thing to have the benefit of the doubt. However, if you are secure in your ruling, do not let the argument keep going. Be firm – say that’s your ruling, and if it’s a sore point, you can always discuss it outside the game. Sometimes giving a little leeway to Rules Lawyers can satisfy them.
Talk to them + reiterate Rule 1. If you have a particularly persistent Rules Lawyer, pulling them aside and explaining how their behavior is disruptive can sometimes be all you need. To add to this, reiterating Rule 1 (the fact that all the rules in the PHB are suggestions to begin with), can help establish a healthier relationship with off the cuff rulings.
Remove them. If the behavior does not change or gets worse, it’s worth a kick from the game. Whether the player wants to admit it or not, they may just not suit your play style, and that’s okay.
“The Min-Maxer”
The Problem: For the uninitiated, ‘min-maxing’ means to maximize the mechanical positives of a character and minimize the weaknesses. In other words: optimizing your character so you’re very good at things. Note that most people optimize their characters at least a little: if you play a cleric and put your highest score in Wisdom, congrats – you just optimized. However, Min-Maxers, also known as Power Gamers, tend to go to the absolute extreme, exploiting every possible advantage they can to create a character who is an absolute beast in combat and sometimes out of it.
Why it’s a Problem: Now I want to establish right away that this is, like Rules Lawyers, only a problem if it is disruptive. Sometimes optimizing their character to be really effective isn’t a bad thing and, despite popular opinion, does not mean they’re a bad roleplay. However, Min-Maxers can often be predisposed to behavior not dissimilar from Main Character Syndrome – they may have made their character so effective the other players have nothing to do, or they boss around other players and insist they build their characters a certain way. They can also be the type of players who ask for a lot of leniency on certain spells or interpretations of the rules in order to accomplish broken effects. It’s not uncommon for Min Maxers to have a ‘DM vs player’ mentality i.e. they are trying to win D&D.
Solutions: Before doing any of this, make sure you actually have a problem first. Optimized builds are not automatically bad – a lot of them have counters, and some are outdated and can be shot down fast. Even if the build is quite good and ‘legal’ (i.e. it follows the rules you are personally using for your game), there are plenty of Min-Maxers who are fantastic roleplayers and give the other players time to shine. The act of min-maxing, on its own, isn’t bad – what’s bad is when it’s causing the other players to have zero fun, or the player is starting to be indignant, arrogant, and/or frustrating to operate around.
Do not allow certain builds. If you’re new to DMing, or even if you’re not, it’s not a bad idea to just – not allow certain builds. Min-maxed characters tend to be multiclassed (sometimes two or three times) and rely on exploiting particular abilities. An infamous one, now largely unused because of a ruling in Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, was Coffeelock, which essentially allowed a character to never need a Long Rest and just infinitely regenerate spell slots with a short rest. These kinds of builds tend to go against the spirit of the game, and can leave the party frustrated because no normal build comes close to that power. You can prevent it by just shooting down build plans that are like this, or just not allowing double/triple multiclasses.
Balance combat and out of combat encounters. Min-maxed builds tend to be focused entirely on combat optimization. As a result, they can have less to do out of combat, and that’s where the balancing point could be. It’s difficult to balance around Min-Maxers in combat since doing so would mean the other players potentially being crushed while the challenge is balanced for the Min-Maxer. This solution is going to depend on your group, but if you direct non-combat encounters at the other players it may help!
Encourage heavy roleplay. Again, this solution depends on your group. Min-maxed characters can often be uniquely suited for particular narrative tropes for story-heavy campaigns, like mentor characters, former gods who lost their great power, and/or newly awoken heroes of old. You could weave a compelling narrative around the min-maxer’s build, and maybe add equally unique caveats to balance out their power level. Make sure all your players agree with this set-up, and the other players should still get some time to shine – avoid making the min-maxer the main character if you can.
Shutdown any attempts to control other characters. This is a simple aside – don’t let a min-maxer be a bully to the other players, especially when it compromises their play style and/or character.
Talk with them. As usual, if solutions like the ones above are ineffective, you may have a deeper problem on your hands. Chat with the player about disruptions they may be causing. Try to focus on just the disruptions, not the build, since that’s not typically the problem (especially if you implemented the first solution here.)
Remove them. I only recommend this if the player starts to become particularly rude and argumentative / is not correcting their behavior, as always. Min-maxers, in my experience, tend to be a little more reasonable, but sometimes they simply need to find a game that’s more focused on combat / caters to their style.
“The Disrupter”
The Problem: This one is a catch all, since this type of problem player can have a sprinkling of the previous types, but what I’m mostly focusing on is what is commonly called a ‘murder hobo’. Basically, this is a player that pretty much just wants to treat the game as their personal, chaotic playground where they kill every NPC, frequently try to rob, harm, or manipulate players in game, burn down in game buildings and pretty much take every action they can to ignore the roleplaying part of a TTRPG. These players often get angry when they are faced with consequences within the game for their wonton murder and silliness, and may accuse the DM of ‘taking things too seriously’ for doing so. They usually have no interest in meeting the game on its own level.
Why it’s a Problem: It probably doesn’t need to be explained how this type of player can be a problem – Disruptors tend to make the game worse for everyone but themselves. Unlike Main Characters, though, they’re not even engaging with the game sincerely. A common sentiment is that these kinds of players ‘treat D&D like a video game’, where there’s respawn points and no real consequences for their actions if they just bat their eyelashes at the DM.
Solutions: It is worth noting that the Disrupter is on a sliding scale from “just doesn’t really understand what they can and can’t do” and “goes out of their way to ruin everyone else’s time for giggles.” Sometimes Disruptors are merely seeing what they can get away with, or are just unfamiliar with the roleplay aspects of the game. Sometimes they’re just – young players who are trying to have fun. It’s important to draw this distinction, because one end of the spectrum can be adjusted while the other end is a one-way ticket to very angry players and an exasperated DM. The solution to this seems obvious, but sometimes it’s not so simple, depending on the circumstances.
Set Expectations at Session Zero. A wild and silly game where anything goes is a genuine and totally valid way to play D&D, but only if everyone agrees to that style of game. Unfortunately, sometimes styles clash, and that is often what leads to conflict with players. You may be able to prevent this by just explaining expectations before the game even begins. If someone is looking for a game with more flexible rules (or no rules at all) you may ward them away before they become a problem.
Demonstrate Consequences in Game. I caution using this solution as the only solution, since in-game solutions for out of game problems aren’t always effective. That being said, this is a good thing to emphasize if your Disruptor falls more on the end of the spectrum of someone who is just learning, then demonstrating the world is more than just a lifeless punching bag for the players to steer them in the right direction. Be subtle at first, but don’t be afraid to be more overt depending on the crimes the player commits in game.
Just Say No. For most things in the game, especially for improv, the ‘yes, and…’ method is king. Instead of outright saying no, you instead say yes, but add a caveat, or enhance it in some way. That being said, some actions are just clearly going to send the game screaming into chaos that can’t be recovered from. You don’t have to talk down to players, but you can just say no. It’s okay to say no to certain actions the player wants to take in-game that you believe will kill the game for everyone. So yes, you can say no, they can’t just stab the NPC, or pickpocket a fellow player, or burn down the orphanage. ‘Yes, and…’ is still ideal 90% of the time, but not when you’re indulging a player who has no intention of engaging with the game in a sincere way.
Talking to Them. Again, this is best for someone who has some hope of understanding. Explaining the purpose of the game and why their behavior is disruptive may be all you need. Be firm, but not mean. You need not disparage them so much as explain neutrally why they make the game less fun for others. If they snap at you, however, or get defensive, then you may need to escalate.
Remove them. This is both for people you spoke to repeatedly but haven’t changed their behavior, and for folks who will just not hear you out and aren’t good for your game. Sometimes it’s bad enough where skipping talking and going straight to kicking is necessary, but I would only recommend that if they’re being outright abusive to you and your other players. A verbal warning, at the very least, should proceed this. Particularly bad apples tend to out themselves quickly – don’t let them walk all over you. No D&D is better than bad D&D.
“The Best Friend / The Relative”
The Problem: We aren’t always playing with strangers. In fact, most of the time we’re playing with people we at least know a little bit. Sometimes, you know them very well, to the point where they’re a partner or a relative or otherwise someone who is really close to you. This can be great, because it’s easier to play off people you know, but it can also be a detriment, because TTRPGs like D&D have a tendency to bring out sides of people you weren’t previously aware of. Those sides can be, for lack of a better word, counterintuitive to the game.
Why it’s a Problem: The Best Friend/Relative can really encompass any of the previously detailed problem player personas. The reason this is its own category is because I have seen countless posts on forums where a DM or fellow player explains a picture perfect description of a problem player, but at the end of the post says “I can’t do x/y/z because this person is my best friend/relative/partner and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with them.” The fact of the matter is that dealing with someone close to you can be way more difficult than kicking a stranger from your party. As a result, these problem players tend to last a lot longer when they should have been talked to or gone a long time ago. Trust me, I know – I have experienced it first hand.
Solutions: These solutions are going to be a little different than the others. They’re less actions to take and more affirmations to help you tackle them based on the other solutions for the particular problems this player invokes. They’re hopefully helpful in giving you confidence to confront and navigate these problem players when they appear.
Boundaries Apply to Everyone. If you need someone to tell you, I will: setting boundaries does not end with loved ones and family members. You should be able to tell them that their behavior is disruptive without it becoming a drama you can’t come back from. Setting boundaries, and being mindful of them, is an agreement of respect. If you have friends or relatives that do not respect your boundaries, the problem is beyond the game. Now, of course, cultural differences can massively complicate this sentiment, since some cultures have family dynamics that are rooted in tradition. That’s something beyond the game and has to be navigated carefully.
Being Blunt is Not Rude and it is not Cruel. Putting your foot down about issues that are affecting you and people you care about is not “being mean”. If you set an expectation and people are not following it, that is on them. Of course, bluntness can become meanness if you shift into personal insults or talking down to people, but don’t let anyone manipulate you into thinking that reaffirming your boundaries and telling someone when they’re upsetting you is wrong.
You are Not a Therapist and D&D is not Therapy. The problem players I talked about above are (likely) not evil villains, they’re just people that aren’t vibing right with your group. Sometimes their behavior comes from a deep place that you shouldn’t be digging into for a D&D game. That’s why I emphasize keeping an arm’s length and not becoming someone’s therapist. Do not risk the game’s identity as a game to satisfy someone’s need for a personal outlet or a replacement for therapy. That is not your job, you are likely not paid, and it’s a lousy replacement when there’s no professionals present. Sometimes we’re more inclined to deal with someone who’s showing signs of using the game in this way because we are friends/partners/related to them, but again, you are not obligated to take on that role.
Saying No to Someone Shouldn’t Ruin Your Relationship. And finally – if you have a good relationship with someone, telling them not to do something, or being able to talk candidly about something they’ve done that was disruptive, should not ruin your relationship. Good friends support each other, but they can also tell each other when they’re upset, and be able to acknowledge when they’re wrong. It’s a two way street, and if someone is unwilling to take any responsibility for their actions, and accuses you of being cruel for pointing out when they’ve been wrong, then that relationship may need further examination. That’s okay. Be kind to yourself and don’t let yourself break down for the sake of a relationship that is not sparking joy.
Humans are Complicated – Be Kind, but be Firm
Problem players can be simple to tackle, but they can also be complicated. As the DM, you are the referee and are in a unique position of leadership. D&D is uniquely intimate in the way it brings out certain aspects of peoples’ personalities, and that can be a really difficult thing to navigate. You do not have to be unkind when you address these players, but you do need to be comfortable asserting some authority if you want to be able to run a game that is fun for everyone. Ideally, you will not have to deal with these problems, but if you do, be prepared to remove people who do contribute to the game in a positive way. Again: D&D is supposed to be fun, and if someone is making it not fun, that’s something to be addressed, not endured.
